Don’t have sex with your ex.
And don’t rub chilly in your eyes.
I have been guilty of both in the last 2 days.
And I knew I shouldn’t, and I swore I wouldn’t, but I just couldn’t resist after a few drinks of mezcal, a toke on a cheeky joint and the feeling of recklessness that comes with moving back to my old stomping ground.
So I did what I always do. So damn predictable. I went back like a sucker. Like a moth to the flame, like a kid to candy. I went willingly back to black.
Classic. I used to judge people like me. Look at them with some sort of pity. But look at me now… A fool for a good time. A fool for pleasure at any cost, even if I regret it in the morning.
We didn’t use protection. I was ovulating. I didn’t care. I mean, how dumb is that? I think a part of me secretly wanted to get preggers. And that’s super smart, right? Getting preggers to your ex on a drunken lonely-hearts club one-night stand hook up. I mean, how is that ever going to work? They are your ex for a reason.
But regardless of all the reasonings in the world, that night a part of me was leaving it up to the gods despite all the crazy and potentially dire consequences…
My biological clock was ticking hard and pulling out all the stops… and hell, I’m not even clucky…. So what is this all about, huh?
Is that why there are so many single parents? Because they had a biological clock moment that blinded them with hormone coloured shades, and all of a sudden, they thought it would be great to get pregnant to their ex? Or to their tinder date one-night stand? Or to their neighbour because they were so damn desperate to have a baby?
Are all our actions solely programmed by hormones and libido? Are we only here to procreate and keep the human race ticking?
I mean, aren’t we meant to be bigger than that now? Aren’t we meant to be living in a modern-day society where we are encouraged to be empowered and career-driven and narcissistic and tech-savvy and keeping up with the Jones’s?
These days ladies are freezing their eggs for a rainy day, making babies with same-sex partners, renting out our wombs to strangers, and playing god to some extent… Heck, we don’t even need partners anymore, particularly an ex that makes your life a living hell.
We can do it all alone now. This is modern times baby… but regardless of how ‘modern’ these times are, I still crave a tribe, a family unit, a partner in crime to sail through life with…
I grew up in a super traditional family of 6 – 2 parents and 4 x kids. My parents are still together, they’ve been together for 51 years, god damn. Both my grandparents stayed together their whole lives. They shared a beautiful love, so much so that their love story got featured on a Brazilian valentine’s day program!
So that is what I know of love… These are my examples of love… That and being raised by Disney, and love songs and Hollywood and the notion of happily ever after.
But looking around me, I’m seeing that ‘happily ever after soul mate love’ seems rarer than ever. I see a lot of single lonely people…
Are so many of us single and searching because we don’t want to work on love, instead we just upgrade to the next human when we’re not feeling it? It took me 34 years to realise that love was work. Good work but work regardless.
But now I get it. I mean I haven’t actually tried the whole love is work thing out in real life yet, just lots of hypothesising and talking about it.
But yes, work is love, and love is work.
And love is a miracle, and miracles happen every day.
And yes I’m jaded, I’m cynical, I’m slightly broken, I occasionally sleep with my ex…. but despite all of it, all of my ranting and raving and dissecting and monologing I’m still a romantic, I still believe in Disney and I’m still searching for true love.
So bring it on baby.
Bring on the miracle of love.