Why Cant You Look Hot and Run?

Its day 3 of detox. No cigarettes, no illicit drugs, no alcohol, no coffee, no fun.

It all started with a pair of fluro pink and leopard skin black running shoes.

Well…. Actually, it all started with a boy…. Which led to the shoes…. Which lead to now…. Wait a second… let me just tell you the story…..

I’ve always been indulgent, a yes kinds girl. More coffee? Yes. More chocolate? Why not. Another smoke? Definitely…. Never had I said no to myself.

My Papa would always encourage me to read books on the topic of willpower, and discuss with me the importance of such things…. being able to control your mind over body…..

I would preach to people whilst happily chowing down my 3rd-morning coffee accompanied by my 3rd organic cigarette, that I could if I wanted to, but darling, its organic, and besides it makes me sing better…..Tom Waits??

Anyway, I met this boy, he’s an extremist. Yin to the Yang, black to white, yes or no. He runs when he’s not chain-smoking…He drinks power smoothies in the morning, strange “Heath Concoctions” kale, acai, chia, you name it… It’s in there…. I don’t think it actually tastes that pleasant, but honey it’s 2018, you’re in your thirties, and its the thing to do.

My friends are all getting to that age of discovering exercise… they tell me it actually feels good when those endorphins kick in…. gets you high in fact. I’ve always found those lycra clad, bad taste in shoes, hair ponytail slicked with sweat, iPod donning, brand emblazing, exercise iron man people rather freaky. But with a little encouragement of my friends, and fear of the middle-aged spread I decided to purchase my first pair of running shoes.

So…. My bestie and I, determined to get fit went from store to store, shop to shop, shoe to shoe… it was like Cinderella all over again…. Now you see this ain’t no easy task for two fickle ladies, especially from ladies that are both used to buying sequin heels, or Portuguese leather boots.

And let me tell you they were horrid…. these shoes…. I mean I don’t know who designs them or nothing, but Jesus Christ almighty… I mean the colour scheme…. What were they inspired by? The primary school highlighter collection….??? Every single fluro colour on one shoe….. strange lines, and detailing….

Why can’t you look hot and run? All I wanted was to look hot and run….

I mean already this was a step down from the hipster, bohemian queen identity I had going on…. But this selection? Atrocious.

Somehow I settled on a shoe that looked the best out of all of them, but honey, let me tell you, that ain’t saying much. There still ugly as all hell, fluro pink, lime and leopard skin.

I hate to say it, but these running shoes are way more comfortable than my Portuguese leather handcrafted shoes and way more comfortable than my Italian red wedges. Hmm goddamn! I  understand why people wear them now, wear them casually, wear them when they’re not even running around, wear them to the local café, sipping on skinny lattes. I dunno maybe just wearing them makes you fitter you know, some kinda positive reinforcement manifestation.

In fact, I’m wearing them right now and I’m not even jogging… and as fugly as they are, they feel great, they caress my feet like a knowing lover, I feel fit just sitting here, typing like a mad woman, and burning calories like nobodies business. I get it. Maybe this is it……maybe this is the future.

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